When I was two and my older brother was four, my parents decided to try one more time for a girl. The result: twin boys! Imagine the chaos with twin infants and two toddlers (and all boys)—it was quite a challenge!
When my wife and I had our second daughter, our first had just turned three. Whenever we felt stressed from dealing with a fussy baby, a demanding 3-year old, night time feedings, lost sleep, and all the usual demands of a young family, I’d remind myself of my mother and father’s situation. This was nothing.
But it really was—having children and trying to maintain normalcy takes some effort and planning—especially when it comes to preserving your sleep. Sleep deprivation can amplify everything that’s going on, compounding the stress and strain of having a newborn.
Realistic expectations help. A newborn will have absolutely no predictable schedule at all for the first few weeks of life. Since their brains cannot produce melatonin yet, they biologically don’t know the difference between day and night—although during their first week, the newborn will have high levels of circulating melatonin from the mother that crosses the placenta. During this first week, babies will sleep a lot—15-18 hours a day, but only in 2-4 hour stretches that do not follow any pattern related to day and night, so get as much rest as you can during these periods!
For the first couple of months or so, all bets are off when it comes to feedings, changing diapers and sleep (the baby’s and yours!). Go with the flow, and watch your baby more than your watch—don’t expect much of a routine.
At about six weeks of age, the baby’s pineal gland begins to mature and secretes extremely low levels of melatonin. It begins to surge at about 3-4 months of age, and babies usually settle into a routine in which they’ll sleep for five or more hours at a time and settle into a regular, predictable nap routine (and so can you!). By six months, almost all babies should be able to sleep through the night as their sleep-wake rhythm synchronizes with night and day.
At that time, you should also begin to sleep through the night, too! Until then, below are three tips and strategies to consider. I’ll share my other seven tips and strategies in my next blog post.
1. Dad needs to help. For both of you, sleep is going to be challenged, so try to split the initial difference. Mom just went through a pregnancy and birth, and is already in a sleep deficit situation, so Dad should handle the first feeding of the night for awhile. That way, both of you can get six hours or so of continuous sleep—a good short term goal.
2. In conjunction with Dad handling the first night feeding, mom should try to go to bed earlier than normal; around 9 p.m. if possible. She’ll most likely be tired enough, so take advantage of the opportunity. It may require some changes, but try it!
3. In the early going, keep the baby nearby at night. This will accomplish a couple of things. First, you’ll sleep better, knowing you’re close by. When the baby wakes for a feeding, you’ll know sooner—the baby won’t have to cry loudly and/or long to get your attention. Keep a dim nightlight on so you won’t have to turn on any lights for the feeding—that is very disruptive for both. A fan or a sound generator (soothing nature sounds, rain, waves, etc.) will mask any other noises the baby makes that might awake you.
To avoid having a REALLY long blog post, I’ll share my seven other tips next week in Part 2 of my Amazing Sleep Tips for New Parents post.
In the meantime, let me know if you have any questions.
Sleep well!
